You can't special order awesome
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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