we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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