I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
