after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
