Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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