i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
