just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
