I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
