good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
