im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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