I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Randomize
