The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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