I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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