We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
