I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
