Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
