Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
love makes seman taste better
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
