no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
