He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
