i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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