i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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