i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
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Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
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I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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