I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
