somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
