Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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