Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
