i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How does one acquire holy water?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
