I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
