The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We have started to decorate penises.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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