It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
did i walk over a car last night?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
