If that was your dad, he is hot
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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