I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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