i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
