I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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