sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
