took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
