i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We got so high we made milksteak
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
