Moan for me like Helen Keller
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
