Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
