last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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