The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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