areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I party with great urgency now.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
