if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
