so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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