well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
