He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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