she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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