i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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