My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
