dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
