I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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