ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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