oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
