I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
