I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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