Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
