I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
