So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
nutella sex= disaster
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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