Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
