I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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