My first STD was from a foam party
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Blood and glitter go together right?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
