john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
