Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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