I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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