He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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