i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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