Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
