his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I need water and some morals
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