i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
