I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
